The First Time

I remember how we sat close, watching the sun slowly sink into nothingness, our fingers intertwining in youthful foreplay.  The dusk wrapped around us tightly as we let ourselves disappear into the night.  The soft flicker of the campfire gently tickled our backs and we moved even closer together.

It was impossible to escape the energy of our kisses.  Even though the day had come to an end and our minds and bodies were exhausted with the adventures of the day, we couldn’t find sleep.  We watched the stars grow and multiply into an ocean of sparkle and shine.  She sprang to her feet and told me to come with her and I followed without question.  We ran naked to the water without a care and splashed into the middle of the stream laughing at our own ridiculousness.

We ran from each other and splashed like a couple of kids on opening day at the pool.  I remember joking about our muddy toes and her freckled nose.  We circled closer to one another until our lips met in an amazing explosion of passion.  We stopped and looked into each other’s eyes.   Her eyes consumed me with that deep understanding and playful shimmer.  I was mesmerized by the moonlight and starlight dancing through her hair.

God her body felt so good!

A personal portrait

P.I.,

 

Can I call you Magnum? Sorry. Anyway, I wanted to take a moment to give you feed back on your submission.  First, I enjoyed reading the first time. You did a nice job of presenting a personal portrait of and initmate evening. If you decide to revise, think about omitting needless words or maybe shortening or breaking up some of your longer sentences. It is a short piece and I think quickening the pace will give the reader more of a sense of an amazing moment that went by too fast (for the characters).

 

I hope you find my comments useful. Keep up the good work.

 

l.d.

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