Shotgun Congress

   Coming up with funny stuff right out of the blue is really hard. I've been sitting here in my basement for a while now and I haven't written one funny word. Fart. Tits. Boner. Those are funny words. If I heard some Joe on the street utter those words I would laugh. Some people wouldn't laugh. They are probably old. Or maybe they have young kids. They might say,"Hey man not in front of the kids." I think this says a lot about a person. Odds are they speak in two completely different ways depending on the location of their offspring.

   I was riding my bike through a school zone one day and as this day dropped off his kids he said, "Kids, have a wonderful day. Your mother and I love you very much." He immediately pulled out in front of me and cut me off. As I was picking myself up out of the ditch, the Dad stopped to check on me. He rolled down the window and, with the kids safely our of earshot, said,"I'm sorry Sir, did I get in your way?" "I didn't realize it was national 'Pretend my kid toy is an SUV day,' now stay out of the road you fucking pussy." At that moment I thought, I wish the kids were still in the car.